The Do Nothing Club Revisited

March 20, 2017

It was the Los Angeles Harbor College Interclub Council’s recruitment day and all of the available tables in the college cafeteria’s dining room had been removed and aligned, outdoors, around the periphery of the campus quad. Each table had been ornamented with various hand drawn advertisements, and was inhabited by enthusiastic recruiters hawking the benefits of joining their respective club. However, a single unoccupied table and two chairs stood in the center of quad, away from the peripheral crowds; and, as I worked my way through the serving line and out of the barren dining room, needing a comfortable place to set my lunch tray, I opted for the unoccupied table which everyone else seemed to shun.
Setting my clipboard of blank notebook paper beside my tray, I had seated myself at the table and had begun to consume my lunch when a woman approached the table. She stared at the clipboard for a moment then asked, “Is this a club table?”
Absorbed with my meal, I simply shook my head and straightforwardly replied, “No, this is a non-club table.”
The woman furrowed her brow and, nudging my shoulder, asked, “What is a non-club?”
Restraining a smile at the obviously absurd question, I cordially replied, “It’s a nonexistent organization which has no members or bylaws and holds no meetings. That is why there is no posters or literature on this table.”
The furrow on the woman’s brow deepened. “That doesn’t seem very organized. I don’t think I’d want to join.”
Deciding to press the illogical conversation a bit further, I slid my clipboard toward her and said, “Well, if you don’t want to join, you’ll have to sign this roster.”
“Why?” she asked.
Pausing only momentarily, I replied, “Because everyone who does not wish to join is automatically a non-member, not required to attend the meetings which are not held. Therefore, you’ll have to sign the roster to insure that your name will not appear on the non-existent membership list. I’ll personally see to it that your name is immediately deleted.”
Still appearing confused, the woman nodded and wrote her name on the first line of the top sheet of paper on my clipboard as several other students wandered over to the table.
“We’ll have to have your address in order to be certain we won’t mail you any of the literature which we do not publish,” I persisted.
Again, she nodded and added her address to the line.
“And,” I continued, “because our non-meetings are never held and no one is ever notified of their non-occurrence, we’ll have to have your phone number, in order to insure that you will never be so advised. That is, provided you do not wish to have your name not appear in our non-existent directory of non-club members.”
The totally befuddled woman complied and added her telephone number to the line and wandered off, retaining her puzzled frown.
A young man, who had been standing behind her, took her place next to the table and picked up her forgotten pen, his forehead creased with the same confused frown. “I don’t want to join either,” he muttered.
With a feigned sigh of regret, I plaintively smiled, “Then, sign up and resign your non-club status and I’ll be sure your name will immediately be deleted from this list.” Whereupon, he complied, providing the complete non-required information, before handing the purloined pen to another member of the gathering throng.
Fascinated by the absurdity of the proceedings, I abandoned my intent to study and spent the remainder of my lunch hour non-recruiting and evolving an extensive non-sales pitch of utter nonsense which, to my dismay, began to sound strangely convincing even to me after the twentieth or so repetition. However, my dissolved view of the proceedings must have been shared by an unhealthy segment of the college’s student body for, I am sad to report, I secured thirty seven names, addresses and telephone numbers before I finally had to return to class — a record for club (or non-club) recruitment for the single day event! And, incredible as it may seem, only one individual signed the roster merely to play along with the gag. However, a second Individual signed as a protest against the “organized college establishment” and pursued me for several days, requesting the date, time and place of our first non-meeting. In desperation, I ultimately informed the misguided rebel to “go to the meeting rooms in the cafeteria at noon tomorrow and pick out an empty one and, if nobody shows up, that’s where the non-meeting will be”. He departed, quite content, and I never again heard from the man.
One week later, I decided to consummate the nonsense and submitted the traditional application for on-campus club status to the college’s Interclub Council’s sanctioning body. 1. Inserting, under ADDITIONAL COMMENTS, a request that the application be denied in order to designate our “non-existent organization” as an “official unauthorized non-club” on campus; and, 2. Notifying the Council that we did not require a room for our non-meetings as “everyone who was a member had resigned as required by our non-existent bylaws” and, therefore, would not be in attendance “at the non-meetings which, logically, are never held”. To my dismay, the application was APPROVED! Thus, I believe, establishing the first officially sanctioned unauthorized non-existent campus non-organization in the state, possibly the country and perhaps the world.

Los Angeles Harbor College, Wilmington, California, Spring Semester, 1968, as reported in my editorial, “The Do Nothing Club”, in the campus newspaper, The Harbor Hawk

Copyright 2009 Anthony Dias Souza

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Where Have I Been?

March 18, 2017

I got caught up in a move and looking for an apartment in this renter unfriendly county of California. Finally, secured a nice one with a reasonable monthly rent. Now, I’m settling back in and returning to my writing. I’ve got two novels hanging fire that I must attend to. I have 15 in publication under my nom de plume Leroy Dumont – all available at Smashwords.com (Amazon and several other outlets in Great Britain. India, Australia and Canada as well as the United States. Check them out at Smashwords.com and you can read the first three chapters of each for free with no catches or spam. By the end of the month I’ll be added to this blog including my Short Stories and ribald poetry. You find much more on my website: leroydumontpdq.com It’s entertaining and only my novels are offered for sale.


Playing catch up.

August 27, 2016

Do to injuries to both of my legs courtesy of Dominican Hospital in Santa Cruz, I have been recuperating and trying to get my life back together. Unfortunately, this blog was not on my short list. Trying to update everything I let slide over the last two years.


My Novels

August 27, 2016

Check out the following novels by my pen name Leroy Dumont:

Bitch of Balar   http://smashwords.com/books/view/7577

Boom!   https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/643376

Demon Horde   http://smashwords.com/books/view/7652

End of Forever   http://smashwords.com/books/view/9490

Escape from Zandor   https://smashwords.com/books/view/659867

Keeper of the Seal   http://smashwords.com/books/view/7606

Reprisal   http://smashwords.com/books/view/7874

Sweet Revenge   http://smashwords.com/books/view/8723

Talons of the Gods   http://smashwords.com/books/view/9181

The Bladesman   http://smashwords.com/books/view/8972

The Crystal Curse   http://smashwords.com/books/view/7693

The Only Option   https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/644040

Wolf Killer   https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/658488

Zandor   https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/638220


A fascinating time of life

August 27, 2016

[I completely forgot what the original article was.  I will repost it as soon as I remember.]

I entitled this “fascinating” because it’s been a trying time.  I went in for my routine annual check up and the hospital dropped me off a gurney and snapped my right thigh bone like a toothpick and cracked my left kneecap.  Thus, where I walked in (jogging daily), I was toted out on a wheel chair and spent several months relearning how to walk.  They had to split my right thigh muscle to set the thigh bone and, during the healing process, my brain insisted I had THREE legs – one left leg and two rights.  I kept toppling over as soon as I stopped concentrating on walking.  At least now, I’m back to two legs about 95% of the time.  It has drastically interrupted the routine of my life.  Sigh, at least now, I’m getting back to “normal”.  The good part was my down time allowed me to complete several more novels which I have included in the listing on this blog.  So much for the current update.

 


I AM BACK!

August 27, 2016

After a short bout with an injury (during my annual checkup Dominican Hospital dropped me off a gurney and broke my femur – thighbone – in two) that took two years to mend to the point where I can now walk.  The foregoing totally reorganized my life.  I went from a jogger to a wheelchair then to crutches.  It was quite an eye-opener.  Made me appreciate having two good legs.  (Oh yes, the drop also cracked my other kneecap,)  At any rate, I’m now relearning to walk and hopefully will be back to jogging within six or seven more months.  Now I slowly returning to my past routine and took advantage of my “down time” to pen several more novels that can be found at:  www.smashwords.com/profile/view/dumont

Check them out – fourteen adventure fiction novels with a mix of some humor under my pen name: Leroy Dumont


THE END OF CIVILIZATION…Again!?

August 13, 2008

 

The world will end shortly – well almost.With luck, a fourth of the human race will survive.Back then, an indeterminate number of living beings ranging in the hundreds of millions died.The physical evidence is there.Remains of carcasses litter the Earth – more than 40 million in North America alone.Elsewhere in the world, on every continent, skeletons have been found buried beneath up to a hundred feet of solidified mud or huddled in caves where they sought refuge in vain.In the latter case, totally incompatible species, predators and prey alike, died catastrophically, their limbs and bodies violently torn apart.This took place in the past over 6000 years ago, and it is about to happen again.Conditions are building toward another worldwide cataclysm and time is growing short.Still the pending disaster receives little publicity and, although the renowned Albert Einstein stated the matter “deserves serious attention”, governments across the globe have failed to respond.The looming holocaust has not been broached by the United Nations where this threat to civilization is not even being discussed.Beyond an occasional mention in the pages of a few isolated scientific journals, it is as if no one really gives a damn.”

Download FREE pdf ebook

http://www.mediafire.com/download/pxypjju5s87np2i/Doomsday_Chronicle.pdf


Either way, this book is a must read.
We are headed for worldwide catastrophe with our heads blindly stuck in the “global warming” sand.

Wake up, World, before it’s too late!